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Wingnutania!

Bubbles

The Last Republican

Perry's Picks for

THE TOP 5 POLITICAL STORIES OF 2008

1. Millions of people claiming to be Mickey Mouse stole the election for the Democrats.  This was little noted by the liberal media.

2. Obama has stopped being a raving socialist/Marxist/communist.  This curious event occurred the instant Obama won the election.  Now he's center-right or something.

3. The Democrats are responsible for everything that goes wrong from here on out, no matter what kind of fetid mess the Republicans left them.

4. The Iraq War, the environment, the decaying infrastructure, the imminent Depression don't matter anymore.  What matters are birth certificates and possible connections with crooked pols. What matters is getting the President.

5. The Democrats are in power, so words can once again be used in a straightforward manner.  Waterboarding is torture again! The economy is now in a depression.  Catastrophes are catastrophes again.  It's amazing how quickly the Democrats messed things up.

Special Bonus Story:

6. The George W. Bush Administration was Bill Clinton's fault.  Heritage Foundation report in furious preparation.

Bubbles


FULL SMEAR MODE

In case you hadn't noticed the pattern:  When they get thrown out of power, Republicans occupy themselves with inventing scandals against the Democrats.  Accusation after accusation is made and repeated. All accusations, however stupid, are instantly and uncritically believed--and clung to until death.  All refutations, corrections,or debunkings are, of course, completely ignored. 

The defeated Right is heading into Full Smear Mode, and it's an inspiring sight.   Suddenly the only thing that matters in the world is to GET THE PRESIDENT, no matter what kind of damage it might do to the country.  Economic disaster, terrorism, war--nothing matters but screwing things up for the opposition.

Republicans really don't care how many people get killed--just so long as it hurts the Democrats.  They are partisan to the point of treason.  Think Reagan selling nuclear secrets to the communist Chinese.  Think Iran-Contra.  Think Valerie Plame.

Another nasty example: the cute little band-aids the Repubs wore during the 2004 convention.  They were mocking the Purple Heart to win an election.  For this alone, every Republican in America should be tarred, feathered, and escorted to the nearest national border.

Republican Full Smear Mode is a kind of political snit, involving much foaming at the mouth and righteous indignation.  For Repubs, anything is easier than facing the catastrophic failure of their policies.

A winger can invent an accusation against a Democrat one minute...and turn around and believe it the next--a feat akin to sticking one's head up one's own ass. There was a period during the 90's when you could make up the most scrofulous lie about Bill Clinton, his wife, or his daughter--and it would be headline news the next day.  The Right are never happier than when they are badmouthing their fellow Americans.

Fortunately, we have the internet now, where right-wing smears get debunked within minutes.  Obama won't have to worry about the Republican smearfest anywhere near as much as poor Bill Clinton did. 


Official List of Shows

The Rick Warren Flap...

As a heterosexual male,
I'm amazed at Obama's gaffe.

To clarify how dumb this is, ask yourself the following question: If someone had linked ANY other group of Americans to incest and pedophilia, would he/she be invited to speak at the inauguration?

If some idiot had linked African Americans, Latinos, Jews, Catholics, retired people, or blonds (in other words, any group other than gays) to incest and pedophilia, they would never get to speak at any Presidential inauguration--and rightly so.

But with gays, it's supposed to be perfectly OK to have a bigot come talk? This is Obama's idea of "reaching out"? What a slap in the face to our gay brothers and sisters.

As the evidence continues to pours in...

Global warming deniers are breaking into
opposed camps--each telling its own,
slightly different version of the fantasy.

The only thing they agree with one another on is that the climate scientists are for the birds. In Wingerworld, scientists almost never get it right.

This would be a lot funnier if the fate of the planet weren't hanging in the balance.

The positions break down something like this:

1. Global warming is all a politically-motivated fraud. This, of course, is the diehard conspiracy theory--now held mostly by white males of a rightward bent.

2. Global warming is real, but humans aren't causing it. This group contains any number of mutually opposed sub-groups--depending on which crackpot theory is offered for the warming. Conspiracy buffs--such as Alex Jones, who believes the secret elite of the world worship Moloch and can live forever--usually fall into this category. (Alex takes the easily-debunked view that the sun is heating up.)

3. Human-generated global warming is real--but it's not a problem. Silly liberals and scientists, worrying about whole nations disappearing! On the contrary, these erstwhile deniers say, it will be a good thing. They say this with a straight face and without giggling. Gotta love those wingers.

4. Global warming is real--but it's the liberals' fault! I haven't heard anyone come out and say this yet, but we all know this will become the party line when the Right can't deny reality anymore. They will not miss a beat nor perceive the irony. But at least they will be singing in harmony again.

Wingnutania

Hey, wait a minute...

Don't all these bail-outs prove
capitalism doesn't work?

Why yes they do.

I read that the government has already bailed out various large corporations to the tune of several trillion dollars. If the government had screwed up so royally, we would all be talking about how rotten government is, and how government always fails.

The large corporations have lived the life of Riley for the last eight years. They've gotten everything their way and have enjoyed record profits. So why are they all lining up for a hand-out all of a sudden? I thought the private sector could do no wrong!

In a country with a less anti-government bias, we'd be having a robust debate over the validity of the capitalist system right now.

Of course, that would be blasphemy. 


20 GREAT USES FOR
THE GUN IN YOUR HOUSE:

1. Settle domestic disputes
2. Settle disputes with neighbors
3. Something constructive to do while drunk/stoned
4. Hours of fun for the kids
5. Hours of fun for the neighbors' kids
6. A big help during temper tantrums
7. Chance to be judge, jury, executioner...a big man
8. Almost like having a big penis
9. Big bonanza for gun thieves
10. Surefire way to blow your dough
11. Terrify the meter man
12. Help deal with feelings of guilt, inadequacy, rage, and other honky stuff
13.  Fun to fondle...and so BIG
14.  "I was totally sure it wasn't loaded, Your Honor."
15. Get yourself killed in a raid, rather than merely arrested
16. You can't always be reading great literature, right?
17. Rare chance to become a murderer, get reborn as a lab animal, etc.
18. If it's good enough for America's Nazi Party, white separatists, anti-Semites,
      fascist skinheads, militiamen, and Klansmen, it's good enough for me.
19.  Angry white men never screw up
20.  Such a comfort when depressed


Thoughts on Jimmy Carter

Exhausted from making up stuff about Bill Clinton, the Right have apparently had a meeting and decided they hate Jimmy Carter. To listen to them talk, you'd think he had jilted their sister.

On the other hand:

1. Noteworthy foreign policy accomplishments of the Jimmy Carter administration included the Panama Canal treaties, the Camp David Accords, the treaty of peace between Egypt and Israel, the SALT II treaty with the Soviet Union, and the establishment of U.S. diplomatic relations with the People's Republic of China.

2. Jimmy championed human rights throughout the world. (Now we begin to understand the Right's festering hostility toward the man, yes?)

3. Carter's achievements included a comprehensive energy program conducted by a new Department of Energy; deregulation in energy, transportation, communications, and finance; major educational programs under a new Department of Education; and major environmental protection legislation, including the Alaska National Interest Lands Conservation Act.

4. No President on earth would look good during an oil embargo. The oil embargo gets curiously overlooked in discussions of how Jimmy did.

5. Historians rate Jimmy Carter somewhere around the 24th or 25th greatest President--not very good, but nowhere near as bad as the Righties want us to think. This raises the question of why they're being so nasty about the guy.

6. The Reagan gang had to cheat to beat Jimmy. (Or was it a coincidence that the Iranians released their U.S. hostages on Reagan's inauguration day?)

7. Job growth per year under Carter was 3.1%—the second highest of all recent Presidents. Compare with Nixon at 2.3%, Reagan at 2.1%, and GWB, with 0.6%. Republicans will often cite statistics that make Jimmy look awful--but right-wing statistics are invariably "cooked" to make the liberals look bad. In other words, they lie.

8. Carter increased military spending, which should normally make wingers kiss his feet. (But who said wingers were rational? They just got done voting twice for The Worst President Ever™!)

9. Jimmy didn't resign in disgrace, so why all the badmouthing? We liberals don't talk about Nixon as if he'd stolen our wallet.

10. Jimmy was not as corrupt as a toad, like Slippery Dick, Ronald Reagan, and GWB.

11. Pres. Carter won the Nobel Prize, suggesting the wingers may have SERIOUSLY underestimated the guy. 


I say we nationalize the big corporations.

In case you haven't noticed, crackpot Republican economic policies always cause a bubble, a recession, and a big bail-out.  It's a pattern even a child can recognize.

Since we're pouring half the treasury into failed corporations, we might as well cut to the chase and nationalize the corporations, right?

Right!  The government could not possibly run these companies worse than the private sector have.

Nationalizing the big corporations would stop them from sending their work overseas, abolish bloated CEO salaries and bonuses, eliminate their undue control over government, create jobs at home, bring in some revenue, and forestall the need for anymore ridiculous bail-outs.  Since the profit motive is eliminated, a lot of things would be cheaper.

Nationalized corporations would be far more accountable to the people and would stop being major agents of global warming, deforestation, terrorism, etc.

Friedmanism leads to socialism. Failed Republican polices are already forcing us to nationalize the banks.  While we're at it, we might as well nationalize the media giants, along with Exxon and the other big corporations who have been bleeding our country white for the last 20 years.

You can call me a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.  Thank God we have a socialist President.



As drugs take effect...
Rush Limbaugh Blames Obama for Recession
        
Perhaps a metaphor will help:

The Republicans have just spent the last eight years defecating all over the living room carpet.

The Democrats have just walked into the living room...

...and the the Republicans start shouting, "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!"

It's OFFICIAL:

America is now
a SOCIALIST COUNTRY!

According to Repubican logic, America is now a socialist country. Here's the reasoning:

The Repubs say Obama is a socialist.
We elected Obama by a landslide.
Therefore, America is a socialist country.

I can't figure it any other way--unless the Republicans were lying when they said Obama was a socialist. But Republicans would never lie about a Democrat to win an election, would they? 

Any way you slice it, it looks like AMERICA WANTS MORE SOCIALISM.

In view of this development, do you think Republicans should leave the country? Can you think of a country in the world that would accept them?


First elected President
of the 21st Century
\
Figure 1: First (and last) Neocon President
FIRSTS de la Bouche!
Signal Accomplishments of The Worst President Ever™

First President to violate Department of Defense regulations prohibiting the use of uniformed miliary as props.

Bush is the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

First cokehead in the White House

First National Guard deserter

Lost more jobs in his first year than any President in history

Broke more international treaties than any in history

First President to close down the Post Office for three successive days (and if that isn't impeachable, what is?)

Lowest job growth in American history

More debt than all previous President's combined (WHOA!!!)
 
First administration to out a CIA agent for partisan reasons

Largest worldwide protests against the Iraq War

Presided over the worst terror attack in world history
 
First President since the Civil War to lose an American city

First President thought by many leading historians to be The Worst President Ever™.

Spying on his people more than any administration since Stalin

First President to use a wire ("Dick? Dick!? I can't hear you!")

First President on antidepressants (& God know what else)

More vacation time than any other (which is a blessing for the country, really)

1st case of espionage in the White House

1st security breach of White House press room

Biggest intelligence failure in American history!

Worst response ever by a federal disaster agency

Highest incidents of suspected election fraud

Biggest deficit ever

1st fake and/or paid "journalists" in WH press corps.

1st institutional use of torture.

Highest disparity of wealth in US history.

Largest increase in poverty since the depression.

1st loss of entire major US city.

First President to lose jobs on a monthly basis in 60 years.

First President in ten years under whom median household income fell.

Seven of the worst bankruptcies in U.S. history under Bush.

First time in ten years incomes fell. U.S. Census Bureau

first President since Herbert Hoover to preside over a net job loss.

Has shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in history.

Bush's tenure set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

Bush cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.

Bush set the all-time record for any president presiding during the most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month period.

Bush set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history. (here)

Bush appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. (here)

Bush presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.

Bush is the all-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

Bush entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years every single economic category headed straight down.

First adminstration not to allow caskets of fallen soldiers to be viewed by the general public

For the first time in history the Department of Justice has barred its employees from holding its annual gay-pride event, DOJ Pride.

Bush has spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

Bush presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

Bush dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

Bush is the first president in US history to compel the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.

Bush refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abides by the Geneva Convention.

Bush set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of television.

Members of Bush's cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.

largest exodus of career experts in every branch of the administration due to crony/idealogue appointments, from CIA to DOJ to EPA to NWS.

In his first two years in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

Members of Bush Administration are the richest administration in history.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.

Cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any president in U.S. history.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases.

First president in U.S. history to attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First U.S. president in history to have a majority of people in Europe  (over70%) view his presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

The biggest security failure in the history of the United States (still uninvestigated)

The first President to spend over 20% of his time on vacation or at Camp David.

The first U.S. President to invade another country.

First President to have 40% approval ratings less than a year in to their second term.

For the first time in 40 years Foreign applications to U.S. grad schools declined 28 percent last year.

He has set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest him in public venues (15 million people according to New York Times), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

First President in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history. Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.

Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

The most secretive and un-accountable of any administration in U.S. history.

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market frauds of any market in any country in the history of the world.

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.

First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.

Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.

First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).

All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).

First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.

First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations that bid for government contracts.

In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the civil war.

For the first time in our history, a significant number of administration officials and supporters, including perhaps the President himself, must keep themselves and their party in power to avoid criminal indictment, conviction, and imprisonment.

Caused the infant mortality rate to go up for the first time in 40 years

Most corrupt adminstration ever.

Most hated President ever--the low poll numbers you see are heavily rigged in his favor.

First President with blowjob skills (Dick?  Dick!?")

President with the lowest IQ.

President with the most feeble resume' going into office.

First president to interpret a rigged election result as a "mandate" and "political capital".

First President to never accomplish anything of significance in his entire fucking worthless life.

President who is the biggest embarrassment to his already morally bankrupt family.

Worst speech READER in history.

First president who never read and most clearly did not understand the Constitution.

President who appointed the most incompetent assholes to important positions.

President with the least command of the English, or any other, language.

First president to graduate from Yale with an accent from a Larry McMurtry novel.

First president to be more valuable clearing brush in Texas than at his desk in the White House.

First president to piss on the legacy of his president father.

First president to admit that he did not READ.

President with a nose farthest up the ass of medical, energy, banking, and arms lobbies.